Mixed Drinks and Drugs in the Arm
I lightheartedly recap my abdominal CT scan this morning so that others may understand such a procedure, should they ever need.
Any sarcastic or smart-ass comments are meant in no way to belittle the wonderful people at the hospital or imaging center.
SO, this morning I arrived at the hospital with mom at 8am. My actual scan wasn’t scheduled until 930, but you have to get there early so you can drink the stuff….alas, I am ahead of myself. I get there and fill out some paperwork. It was a beautiful office with plasma screens with aquarium images and relatively recent US Weekly magazines which I find to be a rare find at a medical facility. I found this small effort very refreshing and comforting. Yesterday, at the doctor’s office, I was forced to read Ladies Home Journal from October 2004 (which was probably the last time anyone ever read that publication).
While in the waiting area, my mom said to me, “Now sweetie, I might leave while you are actually in there having the scan done so if you get done and I’m not back I want you to wait right here. got it?” Where the hell am I going to go? Wander across the street to the hospital cafeteria and score some JELLO treats?
After they paged me on our remote control pager thing, they lead us to a private “prep” room where they informed me I had 1 hour to drink 2 large cups of drink laced with “color contrast” so my stomach would show properly on the image. MMMM, nothing like a mixed drink on a Friday morning while you watch some Regis & Kelly. It adds to the experience to have your mother encouraging you with “drink, drink, drink….”…like I’m pledging Kappa Kappa CT SCAN. I chose to have my Barium (or Iodine or something) mixed with apple juice. I don’t really like apple juice. Mom suggested I should’ve asked for the grape juice but I wasn’t in the mood to drink 24 oz of radioactive communion wine.
Once I finished my cocktails I was lead to the CT room. The actual scan only take about 5 minutes. They kindly explain everything to you. The ceiling over the machine and table where you lie has faux skylights. It is stained glass with clear blue skies and dogwood tree branches. Although it is beautiful, do not be fooled. You are not outside. The only part of the process worth elaborating on is the contrast they inject in your arm via IV. The nurse said, “Now the contrast will make you feel warm all over. It will start in your ears, then your throat, then all the way down your body. You will feel like you are peeing yourself. But you aren’t.” er, what? Then, oh my goodness, she wasn’t kidding. I know she just said that I would feel this way, but I think I am actually peeing myself. damn apple juice. I just peed all over a multi-million dollar machine under a skylight of fake blossoming trees. How will I tell her? Then, for added embarrassment, she says “Do you feel all warm?” Um, yes. “Do you feel like you are wetting the table?” You have no idea. I continue to ponder how I will tell her that I ACTUALLY peed Apple Iodine (the newest flavor from OceanSpray).As I move through the giant camera I am instructed to hold my breath. As we finish I come to the conclusion that I will volunteer to clean up and buy new sheets. Then, its over. I’m done. More importantly, the table is dry. Wow, that stuff is great.
Posted on August 4th, 2006 by Melissa
Filed under: Uncategorized
I’m glad the table-peeing thing was all in your head.
Although you have peed on a table before. You have peed on your changing table, which was Dad’s desk before it was your changing table. Either that or it was the changing table first. I hope not because gross.