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Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

I officially ate enough food for a small developing nation - assuming that nation ate nothing but sweet potatoes, green beans, and broccoli casserole. Ok fine, and pumpkin pie and dark chocolate peppermint swizzle sticks. And mulled wine. Lots of mulled wine.

So the reason I am writing this blog entry is to inform of a special Thanksgiving story. As has probably been gathered from previous entries, my grandfather is very funny and sometimes says amusing, although at times inappropriate, things. And he tells them LOUDLY.

Enter the Fat Woman Story.

here’s your preface, we are at our friends’ house for Thanksgiving. Its where we tradtionally go and there are always anywhere from 25-40 people there. This year, our family was sitting at our own circular dinner table in the living room. We were discussing employment and part-time employers. My grandfather decided to tell a story from when he was boss (see the relevance?). And then…

“Ya know. When I worked at the cookie plant there was a fat irish woman.” I cringe my face and grab my wine. I look over at my sister who has a similar worried look. “One day when we were standing there working, I didn’t realize she was behind me and I turned around and elbowed her. She fell over.” I try to casually glance over my shoulder at the other guests lingering around the various rooms of the house. “It took three of us to pull her back up. I gave her three days off of work.”

phew, its over.

YEAH RIGHT! Our grandfather is infamous for these long pauses where you think he’s done but he’s really not. We start to stifle our giggles and converse again when…

“So the fat woman. She used to kind of waddle when she walked.” I get up from the table and leave the room. I couldn’t look at my dad or pete and keep a straight face. The rest of the story is from my brother-in-law and father who stuck it out at the table. Luckily, my mother was already away from the table.
“We found out she was stealing hams.”

Pete informed me that was basically the end of the story, although he was able to confirm that the fat Irish woman and the fat ham stealing woman were not the same.

My grandfather, bless his heart, meant well. I think in his head he was contributing to the employment conversation. But as Pete informed me, “ham theft is no laughing matter.”

In other news, we introduced my father to the wonderful world of Catchphrase. He got into it. REALLY REALLY REALLY into it. I can’t even begin to describe the experience in a blog. So I won’t try. But here is a sampling:

-Dad (to me): “Ok, this is when all the pistons are firing and you check the engine and..”
-Me: “PASS”
what the hell is a piston? isn’t that a basketball team?

-Pete (to Dad): “Ok, she is an actress on Friends, but not…”
-Dad: not a chance, move on.

-Dad: Ok fruit grows on this botanical device… (it was a peach tree)

-Melissa (trying to award points): You’re team one?
-Dad: We won?!?!?
-Melissa: NO, TEAM ONE.

Then my dad, in an effort to avoid the buzzer, chucked the electronic Catchphrase at my face and hit me in the mouth.

Posted on November 27th, 2006 by Melissa
Filed under: Uncategorized