Pop Culture Yay

These are supposed to be Christmas elves but it look s a little more “David the Gnome Family Reunion” than “Santa’s Workshop”

I’m baaaack. The Toshiba is repaired and is as mediocre as ever. This computer is like a child to me, no matter how many times it acts up, cuts off, is melted (although I pray no children melt), I love it, for some reason. And, when I say “melt” I do not mean “melt down.” I mean literally melt…like M&Ms in your mouth.

mmmm candy. yay Christmas.

Since it has been a while since I last posted, I may ramble more than usual or make many postings in a relatively short amount of time. Melissa has no excuse for not posting. She even went to New York City and has yet to write of any New York adventures.

In honor of the holiday season, and the countless hours of Christmas songs I have been subjected to as a retail worker during this festive time, I have decided to write on that very subject.

To begin, let me just say that…

I love Christmas. SO. MUCH.

I even love all of those annoying Christmas songs, even when they started playing them well before Thanksgiving, a clear violation of the fall/winter holiday calendar.

However, until recently I hadn’t really paid attention to many of the lyrics of such songs. Some are totally obsurd.

Now the hymns are great. Let’s be honest, that’s what its all about. But, the songs that have developed from the secularization of Christmas - that’s another story.

I’m not going to lie, I can’t see the Presbyterian hymnal at any point in the new future reading “Santa Baby” as arranged by the “Pussycat dolls.”

Think about the classic “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” One of my favorites, seriously. Yet, its also probably one of the rudest songs ever written.

We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

aw, isn’t that nice…

Now bring us some figgy pudding. Oh bring us some figgy pudding. Oh bring us some figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer.

um, oh excuse me. I thought you were just singing a nice carol. Um, where the hell do I get figgy pudding? Would it hurt you to say please?

We won’t go until we get some. We won’t go until we get some. We won’t go until we get some, so bring some right here.

geez, I’m sorry. I’m all out of figgy pudding, but if you don’t leave my home, I am calling the police. I can just see the explanation on the restraining order. Reason for restraint: Lack of figgy pudding.

How about this little diddy from *N Sync…
When the party is over,
The night’s just begun
I promise the best part is yet to come
We slow dance together,
Two become one…
Bring along the mistletoe
Keep the music nice and low
I’ll show you how good it could be.
I wish that Santa could be here to see
I wish that Santa could be here to see.

um. uh-huh. Two become one? I wish that Santa could be here to see? Do I really need to comment on this one? I think you see where I’m going here…

And then, of course, there is probably the most annoying song ever “Wonderful Christmas Time”..

Don’t cry poor children, sing this song Ding, dong, ding, dong, Ding, dong, ding.

gee, that’s swell I bet that will stop any crying child. What always worked for me was “If you don’t stop crying then Santa Claus won’t come and I will throw all of your toys into the fire.” What’s all this ding dong ding dong crap?

It is important that you recognize that this entire sarcastic blog post is based on hypocrisy, because I treasured Christmas music of all kinds. I love Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” as much as the next gal - it ranks right up there with Joy to The World as a symbol of the season.

So I leave you with this Christmas message:

It’s a wonderful feeling, feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling. It’s that time of year - Christmas time is here! And with the blessings from above, God sends you His love. And, everything’s okay, Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!

Posted on December 22nd, 2006 by Melissa
Filed under: Uncategorized