and

and

You should do a 24-in-24 Marathon to celebrate your 24th birthday.

HAVE A HAPPY DAY!!

Also from

a) Ticket acquisition process

On Monday afternoon I was on the DAILY SHOW website and saw that they had tickets available for the next day’s show. So I signed up for one, yay.

b) Hurrying up and waiting, questioning

Since they overbook for the show, they recommend that you arrive between 3:30 and 4, so I decided to get there at 3. I had planned to leave at 2 and take the m31 bus. I hopstopped it and everything. But of course I didn’t get in the shower until 1:52 pm, giving me 8 minutes of prep time. So I was faced with a dilemma (making me a dulcarnon, for those of you reading Reading the OED, addressed later). Should I run wet-headed and un-made-up for the bus? I mean does it REALLY matter what I look like? I’m not gonna be on TV. OR should I be wasteful and take a cab so I can put my face on? Well, I chose the latter option, and even went so far as to apply the Pink Lipstick. The Pink Lipstick is one of those multi-step lip painting devices where you apply the color, wait for it to set, and then put the gloss over it. And the Pink Lipstick is seriously bright. The actual color is Rosestone, but I think it should be called Electric Magenta. When I am wearing it, I’m pretty sure you can see my lips on Google Earth.

Sounds clownish and unattractive, right? Well, the joke’s on you, Pink Lipstick skeptics. I am 60% certain that the reason that the Pink Lipstick is the reason why Jon Stewart called on me to answer a question during the brief pre-show Q & A…

At least I think he called on me. He may have just been putting his hand out to block the light glinting off my face. At any rate, I started shouting a question at him when he signaled in my direction.

(What happened leading up to that glorious moment isn’t that exciting: I waited outside for a very very very long time. Then I waited inside for a very very very long time. Then the warmup comic said blah blah blah and we chuckled. Then he said are you ready to meet Jon Stewart and we said yay, woohoooo, etc.)

Then Jon Stewart came out and 2 people asked questions and then he called on yours truly. Like I said, it was 60% Pink Lipstick and 40% the fact that I was raising my hand so hard that I may have hyper extended both my shoulder and elbow.

I wanted to know if he was going to write another book. So I said (in the voice of a helium-filled, strangulated chipmunk), “HI! Are you…?” And he said, “A Sagittarius? Why yes I am,” and he did a funny dance, and people laughed, and then I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to ask my question again, and there was an awkward pause where I’m sure people were thinking “Spit it out, lady!” or “Get the lead out, Kewpie!” or something else disparaging my apparent prolongation of my moment in the sun. And Jon Stewart said, “Sorry, am I what?” and this is where I was supposed to say “Actually that was my question, if you’re a Sagittarius,” but I just said “Areyouplanningtowriteanotherbook,” and he said, “Yes, we’re actually working on one right now. It’s called…The Secret. It’s about how to live your life.” And people laughed and he moved on to the next question, and then a few minutes later they started the show and it was SO FUN to be there.

c) The show

There are big monitors where you can see the news clips they comment on, just like you do at home. And you can see Jon at the desk with the little superimposed square beside him with the graphics in it. My eye kept getting drawn to the monitor since it looks exactly like what I’m used to seeing on TV. SO I had to keep reminding myself to watch the actual LIVE JON STEWART because what’s the point of being there if I’m just going to watch what I can see on TV?

The show seemed to go by really fast. When it was over, I walked over to Columbus Circle to take the subway home (no time crunch this time), and before I went down to the train I went into Borders. Paula Deen happened to be speaking, so I listened to her for a few minutes. I don’t watch her show, but I thought she was pretty funny in person.

This morning I attempted to watch a few recorded episodes of How I Met Your Mother. It was off to a great start. Barney had slept with Robin. Marshall was eating a hot dog out of the toaster. Lily had a goat. Then….nothing. The darn thing cut off halfway through the episode. I immediately got on the phone to Melissa.

“Melissa, I was watching HIMYM and it was Ted’s birthday and there was a goat and Barney picked him up in a Limo and Ted said ‘Where is this party?’ and Barney said, ‘Vegas’ and then it cut off! Go!!”

Without hesitation, Melissa identified the correct episode and began quoting lines I’d missed and filling in plotlines on the spot.

It’s a skill.

And that is another reason why I love my sister.

And Filipe. Dude. Filipe. Yes, it’s weird that Jillian didn’t work him out individually. Yes, the contestants are vulnerable and need support. But dude! Passive-aggressive much? If you want help, ask for it. Maybe you feel like you shouldn’t have to, but just man up and hash it out with her, don’t stuff a storeload of rage into your pocket so you can whip it out as an excuse after you get busted for downing seven mai tais and a double scoop of mashed potatoes or whatever. Dude.

And now I’m talking to you, Bob Harper. Come on in here and grab a Yoplait, and then we are going to Zip n’ Steam your attitude. Pete says that the producers told you to let Sione and Filipe work out with your team. I bet they did, because yeah, that prolongs the tension/fissure, but you should have said no, those cousins need to work out their issues with Jillian right now. Or at the very least you could have said, “You can work out here ONLY because you and Jillian need some time to cool off.” Instead, you said “[Undermine][undermine][hug it out].” And I expected better from you, Bob. As with the team reassignments that led to the Hysterical Bob Meltdown of ‘09, you the one making it worse last night, Bob. Bob, I love you with your tats and your yoga and your Extra gum, but you need to get your head right.

I know there’s more to say about last night’s episode but reliving those low points has been like a long, painful wall sit, so I’m calling it quits.

1. On Taxi TV, do NOT press and hold. Just tap. Regis Philbin says so.
2. The Anchor is a great place…if you want to get smooshed and like the thrill of suffocation.
3. Cherry pancakes from 3 Star diner are pancakes with pie filling. Rich, gooey pie filling.
4. My sister travels with an audio splitter in her purse, in case anyone needs to hear a song or watch a video on her Ipod Touch. She’s big on sharing.
5. Sinead O’Connor is banned from SNL.
6. Melissa and I are capable of restraining ourselves in the presence of celebrities* we love. (*Scott Adsit from 30 Rock at improv show at Upright Citizens Brigade Theater)
7. NC really needs to ban smoking in bars. It makes the world a better place.
8. You can wander the streets in heels (not supposed to sound like a hooker reference) for hours and will never find a better place to stop than One on the corner of 9th Ave and Little West 12th. I had to look that address up just now because we never really know where One is located. It just always appears when we are desperate, like a mirage of a lake when you are stranded in the desert. Except, it is a mirage where you can order drinks and they treat you like you are important.
9. I didn’t learn anything from this but when we were at One, I saw these chicks accidentally walked into the men’s restroom and it was hilarious.
10. My sister really knows how to break it down to the sweet rhythms of 80s/90s music.

I had a really good list in my head, but now I’ve forgotten. I think I’m tired. After all, it is 9:46 p.m. I’m watching DVRed How I Met Your Mother. Hilarious.